Well it’s not a proper tv/home cinema set up but it’s the closest in going to get. Don’t worry, the speakers are magnetically shielded. And they’re balanced on improvised stands made out of my housemate’s old bed.
Shut up and play the hits.
Context: I’m a huge fan of Prince, the tiny purple musical genius, and Purple Rain is one of my all time favourite albums. However the film has always swept away from my grasp. I know it’s by no means good but I hear it contains some amazing performances, so join me when I witness the Academy Award winning motion picture “Purple Rain” for the first time. (Written during storm St Jude)
FADE IN FROM BLACK
Applause intro: “Ladies and gentlemen, The Revolution!”
WE ARE GATHERED HERE TO GET THROUGH THIS THING CALLED LIFE
A guy is doing a rock and roll gesture with his hand in front of silhouetted prince against a smokey stage.
Telecaster at this point, where is the Cloud?
He looks incredible, The Revolution dance together around him
This performance is intercut with the band getting ready, Prince is vey particular about his make up.
FIRST AVENUE DON’T MIND IF I DO
Flashback to: Prince to arriving at the show on a purple motorbike, with a purple suit and his telecaster behind his back, not even in a case. he bikes through the crowd and they all cheer, he smiles.
FIRST GUITAR SOLO
He picked up his guitar a while a go in the getting ready flashback but now he’s put it down and doing his hair again, got to get it just right! He probably messed it up taking his guitar strap over his head and off again.
He’s doing a piano solo.
He’s sat on the piano playing it with his feet.
He’s back at the mic now, the piano is still playing.
PRINCE’S GUITAR IS HIS DICK INNUENDO SIREN
HE’S FONDLING IT, NOT EVEN PLAYING ANYTHING AT THIS POINT
This extended Let’s Go Crazy is great, it turns into an amazing handclaps, percussion and synth dance jam.
"What are you stupid, or something? Why don’t you watch where you’re going?"
Rocking out next to wendy, they look amazing
Prince is standing on the piano doing the guitar solo at the end.
The love interest (Appolonia) looks on lustfully. We are all Appolonia.
SPEED CUTS BETWEEN BAND MEMBERS IN TIME WITH THE DRUM MACHINE
TAKE ME AWAYYYYY
"Revolution, my ass!"
A dude (manager?) strokes Prince’s cheekbones and whispers “So sexy!” Prince looks sheepish.
THE TIME ARE PERFORMING NOW
They’re better dancers than The Revolution.
Prince and love Appolonia meet. They do not speak. They just look at each other. Something is happening. Could it be love? He appears behind her wearing sunglasses (indoors). He opens his mouth. what’s he going to say?
Nothing, he’s just looking smug.
He looks to the right (don’t know what at) over the top of his shades.
She turns to speak to him, she likes his song too, BUT HE’S DISAPPEARED.
Looks like a prolonged drama scene, might take a break.
Bloody hell, domestic violence.
Prince’s dad hit him!
FADE TO BLACK
"Hey, i’ve got something for you." "What a subpoena?" Some light-hearted comedy there.
His bandmate shows him a song because Lisa was too shy to give it to him herself (doesn’t sound like her).
He puts on his shades again and takes the cassette tape (THE NINETY EIGHTIES).
(We’re still indoors, in the club, it’s daytime and the lights and smoke are all still on.)
DANCE REHEARSAL SCENE with The Time providing the music live, obviously.
"The bitches are ok but we need something more exciting."
"What are we waiting for? Let’s go!" "No, no. that ain’t classy enough. I want the bitch to come to me. I’m the only star in this town." Bloody hell.
This is occasionally casually misogynist.
HE HAS SEEN THE WHITE CLOUD GUITAR
AND TAKE ME WITH YOU COMES CRASHES IN
It was in a pawn shop window. Incredible.
Prince is taking Appolonia on his motorbike through what looks like the english countryside in autumn.
It looks like the extravagant lavish outfits are also his day clothes.
She came all the way from New Orleans to Minneapolis just to try and make it at the First Avenue. Seems legit.
Prince’s raw sexuality and aggressive androgyny is truly a sight to behold.
WASN’T EXPECTING THAT
With some incredibly cheesy 80s porno music.
He tricks her into jumping into the lake like some sort of rapist. She gets out soaking, he tells her not to get his bike wet, and they drive off laughing. What a dick.
Later, in the dressing room, Wendy is confronting Prince because he doesn’t let him use their song, Lisa backing her up. Those two are the best.
He says at the end of her speech: “The nominations for best actress are…” and then ventriloquists a cone puppet in a high pitched voice.
Still, he puts the demo tape in the stereo.
AND IT’S THE INTRO TO PURPLE RAIN PLAYED ON PICKED ELECTRIC GUITAR
DON’T MIND IF I DO
Oh, he turned it off. I wanted to hear the whole thing. But something tells me reluctantly listening to the demo will be a recurring theme.
What I think Prince thinks is a sexy smile usually comes off as a creepy smirk.
It’s not a coincidence that we cut to:
THE BEAUTIFUL ONES
Prince at the piano, purple back drop. So much purple.
The vocals on this song are incredible.
A close up reveals the piano is actually a synthesiser. Amazing.
Appolonia looks on lustfully again (recurring theme).
PAINT A PERFECT PICTURE
BRING TO LIFE A VISION IN ONE’S MIND
He strokes his hair, ladies scream.
Incredible falsetto, almost unreal, now I’m screaming.
Aggressive pointing during the ending shouty bit.
He reveals his chest (hairy), ladies scream, the singing is so incredible I’m screaming again, he’s falling to the floor doing the highest notes.
COOL ME DOWN
Afterwards he struts backstage with The Revolution following him, looking incredibly pleased with himself AS SO HE SHOULD BE
Later, he’s back at his place showing Appolonia his sexy demo songs.
The sexy music is a actually girl crying and its been reversed. Wtf?
Honestly this is incredible creepy.
They’re going doggy style now, LOTS of heavy petting.
It’s almost pornographic, It’s a bit more of Prince than a really wanted to see. Basically Prince is a sex god, that’s what he wants you to know.
THEY’RE REHEARSING PURPLE RAIN WENDY’S GUITAR SOUNDS AMAZING
Prince walks in, they stop. Wendy angrily plays the Let’s Go Crazy riff at him. “Is that better?” Honestly yes, it is better than Purple Rain.
Lisa plays the Let’s Go Crazy organ. “I’m here to tell you, there something else! Our music.”
i can’t believe how incredible the film i’m watching is.
PURPLE RAIN PUNS AND INSULTS
Prince lives with his parents, i’m not sure how old he’s supposed to be. He has teenager’s bedroom and acts like a horny teen as well. He’s only refereed to as “the kid”.
He’s listening to the Purple Rain demo again. His parents are fighting in the background. He turns it up, as if a demo of a ballad would drown it out.
Prince’s dad said “I would die for you” to his wife (who he just hit). He’s very manipulative. I wonder if a song will come out of this? I always though that one was about Jesus: “I’m not your lover, I’m not your friend, I am something that you’ll never comprehend.”
Appolonia bought prince the Cloud guitar, He gave her one of his earrings.
Fucking hell, Prince just hit her because she’s joining another group. Wtf?
Now he’s emotionally manipulating her.
Prince is not a sympathetic character in this film.
Wendy and Lisa didn’t show up for rehearsal so Prince angrily stomps his pedal board and angrily plays some power chords, the effect changing with each one.
WHEN DOVES CRY
HIGH SPEED TRAFFIC MONTAGE, PRINCE ON HIS BIKE, GRAPHIC SEX SCENE IN THE WOODS (?)
Maybe i’m just like Prince’s cousin (too addicted to external validation).
"Where are you? Answer me motherfucker!" Prince to his abusive father, geddit?
He was in the basement playing an electric piano (lol).
COMPUTER BLUE (Purple Rain’s Fitter Happier, the one everyone skips).
Prince is topless and either sweaty or oiled. He’s also wearing an eye mask.
He knocked his mic stand over with his guitar during the guitar solo. I might start a band just so I can do that.
Think i understand Computer Blue less after seeing that.
So Darling Nikki isn’t really about anyone in particular? In the context of this film it seems a bit out of place, he’s just trying to piss off his manager and I’m not sure why.
The audience does not approve of this (but I do).
He’s humping a speaker stack during “Come back, Nikki! Come back!”
"Nobody digs your music but yourself!" - "Fuck off!" Why does no one like Prince’s music?
Prince just appeared in a smokey alley on his bike à la the poster, and I got very excited.
Bloody hell, Prince’s dad shot himself. Police gather around him while moody, ominous synthesised music plays. the camera pulls in closer, like a Blade Runner parody. No one says a word. They run off.
Now he’s having a panic attack, he should play a guitar solo right now, that would help me if i was a better guitarist
Nope he’s just smashing everything in the basement. It’s very “dramatic” and there’s a lot of “acting”.
He found his dad’s sheet music, GET TO A SYNTHESISER, STAT!
He’s listening to the Purple Rain demo again. He picks it up immediately and plays it on a piano.
Long slow pan forward to a thinking Prince, hand holding up chin.
The Time are amazing. I’m going to listen to everything they’ve done. They’re still going. i thought they were another failed Prince protégé.
Backstage, The time are singing Let’s Go Crazy mockingly at The Revolution as they pass their dressing room.
"HEY! THAT’S THE BEST SONG ON THE ALBUM THANK YOU VERY MUCH!" - Me and prince, in unison.
Prince didn’t rehearse Purple Rain with the band before playing it, because he’s a genius, understand? (Of course in reality real life Prince is a genius).
Wendy and Lisa didn’t actually write it in real life :(
Always loved how low the guitar is in the mix.
This is live, so you better be impressed. It’s almost one interrupted shot of Prince. He’s emoting his ass off.
I have no words for this guitar solo so I’ll just leave this here.
It made everyone cry, including Prince.
I WOULD DIE 4 U
BABY I’M A STAR
His guitar shoots water out the head at the end.
PRINCE’S GUITAR IS HIS MANHOOD SYMBOLISM KLAXON
Final shot: Prince turning around to look at the camera. Incredible.
STILL FRAME & END CREDITS
Review: 2/5 stars as a film, but the music and performances are INFINITY OUT OF FIVE STARS. It’s worth a watch just to see how ludicrous Prince was in the ’80s and how incredible it is that it’s completely sincere. It’s often unintentionally hilarious and definitely awful, but at the same time the music is some of the best ever made. It’s a staggering juxtaposition. Anyway, a must watch for Prince fans. Wasn’t that fun? Anyone still here? Oh, hello there. Well done you. You’re great.
It’s Daft Punk’s night tonight.
#self-reblog is the new selfie
all done. go back to your desks.